One of the most interesting parts in our Lifestyle column is when we delve into sex and well-being. If you've not read one of her pieces before, get ready for your first one. Ms Dana Sarhan is a licensed sex therapist and contributor to The Kill content. She's back this month to speak to all you men out there, in light of our focused efforts on men this Movember.
Here goes, the floor is yours Dana.
by Dana Sarhan
Throughout my work with couples, I get a lot of men asking me how to make their women orgasm like never before. It’s not that they aren’t orgasming. They are. But they want to know how to intensify the quality of the orgasm. How to make it better. Deeper. Richer. How to make it more intense. So for the month of Movember, I have summarized ten quick scientific tips that can help you out.
10 Tips to Make Her Orgasm, Harder
1. Sex Is In The Ears
Talk to her. Stimulate her brain. For women, sex goes way beyond the bedroom. Her ears are a very important aspect. Ever wonder why French and Italian men are considered sexy? The accent. The words. How they make love to women. They talk to them and engage in intellectual stimulation. They listen. They whisper in their ears during love-making.
Talk dirty. Tell her what you want to do to her. In details. Throughout it all. It helps make her heart skip a beat and her skin crawl.
2. Build Anticipation
Tease her gently but roughly. Foreplay is sex for women. Scientific research has shown that 85% of women orgasm during foreplay or after penetration, not during.
3. Eye Contact and Kissing
The tantric approach to sex is quite different than the western philosophy of sex. It emphasizes connection and the here and now, whereas the western philosophy focuses on the final result (the orgasm). Although we all want that final result, the tantric approach also teaches couples to enjoy the process of arriving to the peak point.
Two basic techniques are taught; eye contact and kissing. Both stimulate connection between partners, especially throughout the vulnerability of sex. For you men out there, I cannot stress enough how important these two are. They help women relax throughout and build connection.
4. Stimulate Her Five Senses
If we go back to the definition of sensuality, it means to awaken the senses. Touch, smell, taste, hear, see. Build the right environment for her. Let her enjoy the present moment. The here and now. Yes, it’s hard work and it’s energy invested in taking the time to think and create situations that make it happen. But no one said it’s easy.
I see couples who lose touch with each other down the line after years of being together. That’s because half of the time they have stopped investing energy in creating an open safe space for them to explore and experiment and enjoy each other. Yes, take an extra half an hour of your day to think of some sexy time. Rekindle this desire. It is never something that comes naturally, especially for couples in long term relationships. But it’s worth it.
5. She's Got To Feel Like The Only Woman You Want
Eat her up. Look at her with full on desire. Make her feel that she’s the only woman in front of you. That’s she’s the only woman you want. The only woman who is starting that fire inside of you and the only woman you desire. Let her feel how much you love her intimate parts by the way you look at her, touch her, kiss her, and have sex with her. Again, hold her gently, but roughly. It’s a balance to manage, never an either-or. Yes, women do have an intuition about things and can feel when you really want to her and when you just want to use her as a blow-up doll. I’ve heard that complaint a lot.
6. The SCS: Stroke, Circle, Squeeze
Massage her hips. Her thighs. Her lower back. Her every bit. Around her lady parts, and way in. Slowly and sensually. Stroke. Circle. Squeeze. Need I say more?
7. Don’t Stop Midway
A common mistake a lot of men do is letting go of her vagina too soon. Don’t stop and don’t fast forward into another act. Take as much time as she wants. When you feel that she is getting more and more aroused, continue at the same pace. Stimulation is different for women. Don’t go fast. Continue until she orgasms and even more. The beauty of a woman’s body is that she can multi-orgasm. There are exercises that help you breathe deeper making both of you relaxed and much more patient in bed.
Use lubricants, your saliva, oils, anything wet. It’s quite painful if she is dry. It is worth mentioning that you should consider using as much naturally-based lubricants as possible so that you don’t mess with the pH levels of her V area. BIG no to Vaseline.
9. Try Other Sensitive Points
Scientific studies have proven that a woman can orgasm from more than one spot. However, women have sensitivity in different areas. So the trick here is to experiment with those spots and be present and attentive to what pleases her. Mix and match too. You don’t have to stick to one spot. Stimulate two areas or more.
10. Keep it going even after she orgasms
Let her feel that connection between you two even after orgasm and sex.
To healthy and happy sex!